❢ Pinned Post
40.Nord
2025.08.06
日本語版
どこにいたっけ？そうそう、たった今キオスクで重力の虹を17NOKで買った所だよ。正確には、長ったらしいロマンチックと交換したわけだけど（読もうとしないのか、はたまた読めないのか）そこに孤島があったんだよ、中々信じ難いとは思うけど金で育ってれば尚のこそ。だけど、本当に孤島は存在した。小さいボートを漕いで行かなきゃいけない。モーターは変容を促した。お前は非人間になった。どっちのオズがよかった？ドルシーがいる方の方がいいと思う。だっておお！っていつだって嘆く。この最中。小さいことで嘆いて、どっちも飛行機の中で見れたけどね。 とにかく何が言いたいかっていうと、今年の夏は北に行ってたんだ。それで、スイスアーミーナイフを買った。あの、孤島の不便さの証拠として。静かすぎる夜に、綺麗な水の道を用意してくれれば、その上をボートを漕いで行こうと思う。それがたった一つの救いだってことに、気づいた。
Where was I? Ah Yes; I've just purchased Gravity's Rainbow at a nearby bookstore for 17.9 NOK, in trade for a some fantasy book with huge romantic paragraphs which I cannot ( or refuse) to comprehend. There lies a land in isolation; you will not believe it so, being brought up with MONEY MONEY MONEY! but yes, you must take the small boat and row your way to anywhere... Row row row... The motor defies you... You've become something unhumane, inhumane. So which one of the OZ is better? I think, it is the one with Dorthy in it, because she exclaims Oh! but you must exclaim admist of all this. What are you if you do not fuss over the little things? Both Wicked and the Wizard of Oz was showing on the airplane, entertainment for one, life for the other. Or must we percieve it same? Anyway, what I meant by all this was that I was up north for the summer. It's always refreshing to be somwhere with life still in it; with inconvenient beauty.Everything is convenient is it not? So maybe it's alright to be inconvenient once in a while... The city in fume of drugs so heavy that when walking in, you'll become one of it's hosts. The inconvenience is due to lack of rules/laws. Afterall, morals and rules are complete opposites. What I wish is to row a little boat when it is too quiet; to sit at the window sill and gaze at the world go by. Provide me with a free trail of clean water in isolation with a boat. See? Only this will save us all. I bought a small swiss army knife as a souvenir for myself and as a token of those isolated lands you row your boats to.
45.Thoughts and Rebirth
2025.09.15
日本語版
昔の友達の夢をよく見るのだけれど、夢というものは不思議なもので全く親しくない者も夢で会うと親しく感じたりする。夢で、友達は横に動くエレベーターのある家に他人と住んでいた。その夢で私は棚の角を眺めて「ここは、私が建てた家だのに」と呟いていた。これは、誰の言葉なのか、私すら知らない。誰の嫉妬心なのか、知らないしましてや支配欲のない混乱性の自分が放つその言葉が何を目指しているのか、覚醒時の自分と夢の自分はどう違うのか、この感情や関係性にレーベルなどつけていいものなのか。いつもそう考える。何かを言いかけて口を開けたという事実だけが、そこにある本当なのかもしれない。放った言葉やそれを放っている自分は全て嘘なのかもしれないと、凡ゆる旗がはためいている様子を眺めながら思う。夢の中で言葉を放つ私は、私’であるはずだけれど、無意識であって混乱していて、行動に移さないものはそこに存在していてもしていなくとも、大差はないと行動学は見做したりする。
There are no pronounced Italian painters of the late 16th century, not becuase they did not exist, but merely because it was the age of science and development in such field. Likewise, there are age of the surrealists and there are ages where no one seems to produce anything of the sort, simply because of stability in politics and the pious belief in scientific development rather than art and culture. I've signed up to tumblr, seeking for a place with out crawlers and bots and found a community of artists with extreme talents. The talent is prevelant everywhere; I look to the right and I see talent and I look to the left and see more talent. Neocities is one of these places. The modern humanity has not been capable of trusting the government ( simply becuase it is impossible to do so) and took to their hands to create meaning to their lives. I proclaim this; we may be heading to a new age if renaissance. Some who are not taken over by greed and marketing simply studying the world and compiling facts to make up a foundation in which others can stand on is truely fantastic, and I wish to possess such talent. I have not been studying much as I would've liked, but in order to support such renaissance in which humanity work hand in hand across sectors of culture, I would like to study more and take such role. That being said, here is a fantastic writing by Aditya Anand. Their other works concerning the politics of today are also truely wonderful. I am in awe of talents such as this. It truly is a blessing to get to meet and speak with philosophers, musicians, and artists of many talents.
44.When the Artistic Vision does not Exist
2025.09.12
日本語版
まだ読み終えていないが、芸術史とシュルレアリスムに関する本を読んでいるうちに、仕事中にふとある考えが浮かんだ。アンドレブルトンのオートマティズム以降、シュルレアリスム運動は二つの分野に分かれたと言われている。一つはオートマティズム、もう一つはデペイズマンである。そこで私は考えた。今日のシュルレアリスム的「コア」や、スロップマシンや慣習的・説明的な性質に対して、シュルレアリスム運動は何を提供できるのだろうか？ここで私が考えているのは、シュルレアリスムが真に機能するためには、自らの具体性を認識する必要があるということだ。なぜなら、シュルレアリスムはいたこの様に現実を身体に「憑依」することにおいてのみ機能するからである。機械によって生み出されるスロップにはこのニュアンスが欠けており、見る価値のあるイメージを生み出すことができない。なぜなら、シュルレアリスムの本質は、慣習的でも説明的でもない現実に大きく依存している。そもそもここを無視してしまえば、シュルレアリスムの根幹は崩れてしまうので、もはやシュルレアリスムなどと呼べない「何か」になってしまう。したがって、作品が創作されるスピードと、世界における自身の具現化は、人間のシュルレアリスム作品において極めて重要なポイントとなると考えている。リミナル・コアのようなコアの説明的性質は、物理的な具現化ではなく、仮想的な具現化とより深く関係している。人間はテクノロジーに夢中になっているため、現実は今や仮想世界に存在し、その逆もまた然りである。人間の想像力はテクノロジーに取って代わられたしまった。テクノロジーは人間に思考や想像を強制するものではないからだ。想像力と思考は常に人間の物理的性質と相関関係にある。以前にも述べたように、私の犬は虹も花火も知覚できない。彼らの感覚は限られており、想像したり考えたりすることができないからだ（あるいは、この二つの側面に関してははるかに限られている。彼らは嗅覚のような鋭敏な特性を持っているが、私にはそれと共に生きることは想像できない。なぜなら、私たちもまた、このような物理的性質の中で制限されているからだ）物理的性質の喪失により、慣習、冗長さ（説明的な性）、そして「リミナル」な性質が蔓延する。想像力、個人的な回想に宿る人間性、芸術性、そして人間の身体に宿る独特の個性は、今や失われつつある。説明的、あるいは慣習的に「完璧」であろうとする者は、想像力、人間性、そして現実を降ろす独特の個性を欠いている。彼らはまさに鎌を背負った「模範的な」芸術家なのだ。
I have not yet finished reading the books but there was a thought that came to me at work through reading about the history of the arts and a book on surrealism. After Bretons automatism, the surrealist movement is said to have branched into two sectors; one with the automatists, the other with Depaysement. Which lead me to think; what does the surrealist movement have to offer against slop-machines and coventional and explanative nature of surrealism today which turned into a "core"? My thought here is, in order for surrealism to acutally work, one must be aware of its own embodiment, for surrealism only works in a possesive state. The slops generated by machines lack this nuance and cannot make an image worth looking at because the nature of surrealism heavly relies on the reality that is neither conventional or explanative. Thus, the speed in which a work is being created and ones own embodiment in the world is crucial points in human surrealist works. The explanative nature of cores such as liminal-core, has more to do with virtual embodiment, not the physical one. Because humans are so engrossed with technology,reality now exists in the virtual and vice versa. Human imagination has been replaced by techonology because technology simply does not force one to think or imagine; imagination and thoughts always corelate to ones own physical nature. As I've discussed before, my dog cannot percieve rainbows nor the fireworks, because their senses are limited, thus, unable to imagine or think (or, much more limited in terms of these two aspects. They have keen traits like the smell which I cannot imagine to live with, for we too are limited in physical nature such as this)With the loss of the physical nature; conventionality, verbosity, and the "liminal" nature prevails. Imagination, humanity of ones personal reminisce, artistic quality and distinct character prevelant in physicality of human body is at loss now. Thus, when one strives to be explanative or conventionally "perfect", the individual lacks imagination, humanity and distinctitive character withholding reality.They indeed are a "model" artist who carrys a scythe on their backs...
My point here is that if the world isn't built for you, and you have nothing to offer even after breaking your back and neck for it; don't worry. You just might be apt at the most meaningful, beautiful, intelligently modest way of life and nature of man; a traveller. In my book, thats the best kind of people this life has to offer or else the world is built for exploitation; either way you live and you die. Everything in the middle is brief stops;either I make the stops, or someone makes it for me and forces me to strive for a "perfect" stay.
Even my messenging service began implementing that wretched brain-rotting system. (Why should I communicate to a robot? Who thought this was a good idea?) That big G company is full of misinformation nowdays, putting one and 1 together to create, not two, but "one1". So I went ahead and installed duckduckgo. You can turn the wretched thing off unlike other browsers, so its really helpful and I'm liking it.
43.153
2025.09.07
日本語版
私たちは、触れることの美しさを知らないけど、触れられないことの美しさは、誰よりもわかっていると。プレゼントを買いに行くとして、その道中でさらりと傷跡に触れられて、何だか悲しくなった昼に、立ち寄ったチェーンで、意味もない罵倒に顔が少し鋭く、感情が少し鈍くなり、中はより醜く見え、外ははるかに美しく映る。悲しみを怒りにすり替えたりする帰り道に、いつもは遠くで白く霞んでいるだけの月が、作り物みたいな大きさで、プールを海に間違えたトンビたちを照らしていて、この怒りを燃やして、たまに吹く風で違う光となることを 触れることの美しさなんて、生まれてこのかたわからなくても、触れない者たちの美しさだけは、もう一生わかっているんだよ。その輪郭を重ねていくうちに、ついには全てに触れないままに、美しさを見ていた。質問の答えはもしかすると希望なのかもしれないと、私は考えました。いつかそうして触れられない者達が、触れられない同士で美しく照らしあうのだということを信じたい、淡い希望で、換気扇に輪廻を見たり、赤いタイピンが艶やかに見えたりしたのかもしれない。本当に感謝しております。
We do not know of the beauty in one's touch, but know well of the beauty that exists in not being touched. Say we head out to buy a present where an unhealed ache was touched; and in pain after stopping by a chain restaurant, meaningless profanity was thrown. The face becomes sharp and the emotions dull; look inward and see all the ugliness. Outward and see all the beauty there is. Replace saddness with anger on the way back, look up and there floats a moon ever-so large as if it is merely a facade. Lighting a black kite who mistook the pool for an ocean.Burn this anger sometimes changing its hue with a different wind. Do not know of the beauty of being touched, have never understood it, however the beauty in not being touched I do know of. Layering the outlines and oneday knowing the every beauty.The answer to the question asked may be hope.I hope one day that the untouched will reflect within the untouched. Hope, and see reincarnation in a vent fan and the hue so bright in the red tie-pin.
42.Renaissance
2025.09.01
日本語版
レオナルド・ダ・ヴィンチの作品には、いつも魅力を感じない。美と制御の説明的な性質、そして「完璧」への執着が、いつも私を不安にする。多くの偉大な芸術家に見られる第三の軸の欠如こそが、偉大なタブローの鍵なのかもしれないと、今では考えたりする。現代では、それは技量不足として無視されがちだけれど…特にイタリア人は平面への描写に長けており、それがイタリア人によく見られるシュールな性質と直接関係しているのかもしれない。これは、当時のフランス人芸術家には見られなかった特徴らしい。私は今、ボッティチェリに興味を持っている。彼の装飾的なスタイルは個人的な美意識とは反するが、彼が同時代の芸術家に与えた影響は無視できない。作品がタブローの性質と鑑賞者を支配してしまうと、それはいくぶん平凡で魅力のないものになる。結局のところ、もし神が驚嘆できたなら、その創造物への信仰を失うことはないと友達と会話した事がある。時が経つにつれ、驚きという要素は恐れられ、軽視され、もはやパンクなものは何もかもパンクではなくなる。避けられない衰退期が訪れれば、おそらく「ルネッサンスに感謝！」と叫ぶだろう。しかし、人々はコントロールすることに躍起になっている…
A地点からB地点まで道を進むのは避けたいが、ここの通行人はいつもA地点からB地点まで移動する。いつも何か考えているし、やるべきことがある。壮大で素晴らしいけれど、一体何がB地点へ向かわせるのだろうか？ ハツェゴプテリクスという恐竜が存在することを最近知り、地元の図書館で捨てられていた恐竜の本を見つけてパラパラとめくってみた。そこにはくちばしと肘の側面に少しだけ毛羽が生えている恐竜しか描かれていなかった。それもそのはず。（それとも、私がAIに騙されているだけなのか？ すべてが偽物に見えるようになったので、並外れた美しさのの放棄？周りが地獄と化していることに気付けないのなら、それは賢明さではないのではないか？また、地獄であると認知した上でどうしようもないと思うのは、支配以外の何であろうか。）希望はパンク、人間性はパンク。コントロールはパンクではない。でも、私が何を知っているというのだろう？小さな青い水の池に、小さなホルスタインが座っているのが見えた。人々に配るご飯の袋を運ぼうとしていた時、背後から誰かが近づいてきた。私が欲しいのはほんの少しの助け、もしかしたら私も誰かを助けることができるかもしれないということだけだ。私が愛していた聡明な友人は真実を決して知らなかったが、あの紫色のものを彫刻するのが得意だったので、私はその場を去った。人は何のために生きるのか？パンクで、首筋の息を払い除けて、安らぎの中でしか自分を知ることができない生き物になるために。ぎこちなく歌い、山から山へと旅をする。回転する歯ブラシを見て笑うのは、美しくもあり、同時に罪深いことでもあるように感じてしまうよ。暴力的であることは簡単だが、この時代に鎧や古びたTシャツを着ているのは、極めて上品だ。レオナルド・ダ・ヴィンチが偉大だったのは、誰もが彼を理解できたからだ。しかし、彼の画家としての偉大さはそれ以上には存在しない。
I've always found Leonardo Da'vinci's work unapealing. The explanative nature of beauty and control as well as straining for "perfection" always fills me with unease. The lack of the third axis prevelant to many great artists may be the key to great tableau; disregarded nowdays as one's lack of skill. The Italian's especially are skilled in depicting on a 2d-surface, which may have a direct connection as to the surreal nature often seen in the Italian's, a trait not seen in the French artists of their time. My interest now lays in Botticelli, though I am not an avid fan of his decorative style, the influence he had over the artists of his period cannot be ignored. When an work has control over nature of the tableau and the viewer, it becomes somewhat mundane and un-apealing. After all, if god were to be surprised, he would not loose faith in it's makings, will it not? As the time progresses, the element of surprise is feared and devalued and nothing is punk anymore until its inevitable descent and it would probably scream " Thank god for the renaissance!" but people are too busy with control...
I'd rather not travel up the road from A to B, but the passerby always travels from A to B here do they not? Always have something in their mind, something to do. It's all grand and all, but what force impels you to head to B? I've just found out that a dinosaur called Hatzegopteryx exists, and at the local library I saw an abandoned dinosaur book and flipped through it. They only depicted the kind with beaks and a little bit of fur-feathers growing on the side of their elbows; no-wonder. (or am I just being fooled by AI? lid of extraordinary beauty because everything looks fake now? I don't know.) Hope is punk, humanity is punk; control isn't. But what do I know? I saw a little holstein sitting in a little pond of blue water. I was going to carry a bag of food to hand out to people when someone approached me from behind me; all I want is a little help and maybe I could help some out as well. The intelligent friend whom I loved never knew the truth but was apt at sculpting that purple stuff so I left. What for do one live for? To be punk, and shrug away the breath down your neck and to be a creature who only knows itself in their solace; singing awkwardly and travelling from mountain to mountain. Being amused for a spinning dental brush feels beautiful and sinful at the same time.It's easy being violent; but extremely class wearing a armor or a warn-down t-shirt in this day and age. Leonardo Da'vinci was great because everybody could understand him; but his greatness ends there.
41.Fisken Min
2025.08.22
日本語版
今日私の魚は天使となった。いや、元からエンジェルフィッシュではあったのだけれど、苦労の多い天使であった故に今はただの天使である。この魚は長年生きていて、黒いストライプ柄の、どちらかというと小柄な部類の魚であった。自分が覚えているのは、ある程度の温和さである。タンクを共有しているもう一方の魚は、ここ数日その魚を突いて生きていることを確認していた。長年、このストライプ柄のエンジェルフィッシュをタンクの隅から隅まで追い回していた者への最大で最も残酷な皮肉である。今はただ、一つとして角に浮いているだけだ。このストライプ柄の魚は私にとってとても大事な存在である。この魚は、ある日突然浮くことができなくなり、逆さになってタンクの底に沈むようになった。このような事例を以前に目撃した時、それらの個体は大体一ヶ月以内には亡くなってしまっていた為に、私はこの個体ももう長くはないことをどこか悟っていた。だが、その数週間後、今度はタンクの上へと浮くようになったのだ。我々はタンクに付いている光を、眩しいと思い消した。この時点で、魚は紙のように薄く、もう内臓など入ってはいない、ただ魂でなんとか現世にしがみついているのではないかと思えるほどであった。そのまた数週間後、魚はその体をv字に折り曲げるようになった。そのおかげか、もう浮くことも沈むこともなく、ちょうど良い水位で浮くようになった。このような状態になっても、この魚は私に反応をし、近づけばじっとこちらを見、そしてフレークを与えれば懸命に口を動かしていた。
昨夜、私は夢を見た。この夢は魚と貝の場所の夢であった。後ろの大部屋にはロケットがあり、このロケットが我々を右へ左へと揺らしたので、私たちはとても喜んだ。入ってすぐの広場には剥製になった海の生き物が階段上に並んでおり、その横を古いエスカレーターで登った。この場所には夢の中で２回訪れた。家は恐怖に満ちていて、鍵のかかっていないドアだけが叫びや怒号から私を守っていた。あの魚は、あの苔むしたタンクで、懸命であったからに、美しいと思うのだろうか。あの魚は美しかった。長きに渡る生への挑戦と、浮き沈み。日に日に薄くなっていく体。これらを私は誰にも望むものか。だが、良く戦った、死を驚かせた。生命は最大の拍手を送っている。私は、そう願っている。
My dear fish became an angel today; rather, it was born an angel, and angel with great struggles and now it is just an angel.It was a fish of many years, with black stripes, of rather small stature than the others. The most gentle, as I remember it. The one alive fish now had been pecking at it to make sure it was still alive. Funny, because that particular fish had been chasing my angel left and right the tank for ages. But today with the fish no more, it sits sadly in its lonely little corner. Some large force may be saying, " Well, this is what you wanted, right." Such cruelty. The fish was particularly special to me because this certain fish had been ill for months now, maybe up to a year or two. First being unable to float upwards. I've seen such manner and predicted the fish to die in a week or two, for the others before it had followed such fate. But I was mistaken. The fish, who had first been sinking to the tank's floor upside down, had started to float to the top of the tank now. Thus, making us cut the lights off, fearing it to be to bright for the fish. The fish, by this point, was so thin, that you would've believed there was nothing in that paper thin- glistening body. Then, the fish started to contourt and became almost a V-shape; it had folded its self inward.The fish still seemed to respond to me however its condition: it would come up to me when admiring its strength and flatter its fins slightly. When feeding the fish, it swam up to the tanks surface once again ( you see, when it had folded itself inwards, it started the swim, or rather, stay at a normal depth) never being able to catch any of the frakes but vigorously trying.
Last-night, I saw a dream. It was a dream about fishes and the shell place. I remember the rocket in the back room and how it swang us from side to side on a free ride. There also were lows of taxidermied specimens of aquatic creatures there. I went to this place twice in the dream, as my own home was a horror filled place with only an unlocked door shielding me from the screams and the shouts. It is righteous because we all try to live in such moss filled tank, or is it not? The fish was beautiful, or I percieved it as beauty; the month long endure for life, floating and sinking. Getting thinner by day. I do not wish this upon any living creature, but you fought well; and surprised death. Life applause you, or so I pray.
39.Words
2025.07.19
日本語版
私はおとなしく才能のある人間の仕事が成されるのを待っている。違う世界線を生き、何事に対しても決して強固な姿勢を持ち合わすことなく、それでも思考を行う貴方の、仕事が世に出る瞬間を待ち侘びている。この際、言葉はなんと安っぽく響いてしまうものか。ある日、学校に向かう途中で、よく見知った決してあったことのない顔と居合わせた。話しかけることはできなかった。なんと言葉にしてもどうやったって安すぎる。過去も今も未来もずっと貴方の作るものに救われている、貴方を育てた世界がとても美しく豊であることを、私は本当に嬉しく思う。そしてずっとその、純粋無垢な姿勢を守っていうてほしい。伝統的なお祭りの動画と、スタンフォード大学が出している行動生物学の動画を是非参照してほしい。社会的承認を望む邪悪な心を捨てて、いつまでも独り哀愁を持った人間でいてほしい。独りで悲しくなっている時、世界はいつも隣にある。社会で悲しくなっている時、世界は遠く離れた所から冷ややかに見つめている。最近、檸檬を育てようと思い、檸檬の若木を買ったのだが、檸檬は決して育つことがない。なぜなら、アゲハ蝶の幼虫に食い荒らされているから。でもアゲハ蝶の幼虫がどれほど葉を食い荒らしても、殺すことなんてできない。今は、檸檬を育てているというより、アゲハ蝶を育てている。幼い頃に、隣に鱗翅類学者が住んでいたことがあって、今調べてみるとその娘も鱗翅類学者になっているらしい。なんて素晴らしい職業なんだと感じる。
コインは実世界に存在しているから価値があるのであって、そう考えるとコインは実に3dである。そして、3dのコインにはもちろん特性上、面が二面ある。だからこそたまに、裏面を覗く必要がある。裏面をのぞいてしまえば、何かに対して強く言葉を発することはできなくなるが、だからと言ってそういう人々を馬鹿だと罵るのは、コインの特性を知らないに等しい。
このエントリーから母国語である日本語でも書くことにしたけど、どうしても翻訳したような言い回しになってしまう笑 何にせよ、私は日本生まれの日本人なのだけど、社会的に流通してる現代語を扱うことに、どうしてか長けていない（だからと言って、古文漢文・昔のもっと上品な言葉が使えるのか、と聞かれてしまうとそうでもないんだけどね）。三島のような綺麗な日本語が使えたらいいなと思うけれど、それには自分自身を完璧に変えなければならないので、それはまあ、無理だろう。最近頭に残っているのは、坂本龍馬襲撃事件時の「先生、あの時はどうもお世話になりました」に対する「どちら様でしたかな」（うろ覚えだけど…）数秒後に起きる暴力との対比で色々考えてしまう。坂本龍馬が二人のうちのどちらかわからないから、確認の為に発した言葉とされているが、結果的に二人両方を切り付けることになっているから、何の為の建前だったのだろうか、とも感じる。人間は生物性を捨てきれない故に文化的で思考力が凄まじく魅力的な生き物ではあるのだろうけど、生物としての暴力性に関しては、どうにかできぬものかと考えたりする。（葉を殺すよりも、タコを殺す方が、何だが悪である気がしてしまう）何はともあれ、行動生物学、とても面白くておすすめです。日本語だと、どうしても誰かに語りかけなきゃいけないような気になってしまうね。
I'm patiently waiting for some of the most talented people's works to come out. It is you, with your vast world-view and imagination. You with no strict-ideals; but you floats along with thoughts without judgment. Words cannot describe how much I am saved by these people; once when commuting to school, I saw a familiar face, very similar to that of an artist I've listened to for years. I could'nt say anything; the words would feel cheap if I were to go up to the certain individual to say " I am saved, I was saved, and I will be saved by what you fought to create. But you wouldn't know; because you aren't me, and I understand. But I just hope, someday, you will stand where I stood and cry at how beautiful the world has brought you up to be. So in the case of self-neglect, we love you and will forever love you for the being you fight to be. The authentic you that is a mere individual and nothing more. The tome will remain amidst the hatred. Do watch the video's on traditional Matsuri and the one on behavioral biology. Be lid of the viscous heart that wants social-acceptance! You are beautiful because you are alone and full of intellegence and sorrow. I bought a lemon tree to raise lemons; only to be surprised by a bunch of Swallow-tail butterfly catapilars. I cannot kill them; they eat the leaves bare, but I cannot kill them still. I now raise not lemons but swallow-tail butterflies. I remember it being a wonderful thing; those butterflies. I lived next to a lepidopterist and a girl who became a lepidopterist herself. Such amazing career. I, in the other hand, am completely indifferent to those who seek power and money; who lives with bubble over their heads. There always is another side to a same coin; the coin is worthless if 2d, so believe it is multi-sided and look to the other side once in a while. Hence,I cannot say things strongly worded, but this does not make one worthy of being scapegoated or called out for their stupidity, for they are not.
38.Kindness
2025.07.04
Gentleness is the greatest trait found in kindness; the doudou-bird did go extinct because of their docile nature but it is not true to say that their gentleness is not great because everything made will lead a path to their fall. None can defy this law of nature. I've found this week that libido with kindness is the two elements of creativity ; you must be docile, kind and gentle to be creative. There also must be libido, despised because of it's violent nature. The dilemma in which the gentle fights its animalistic insticts with such gentleness and kindness calls for creative ambitions and visions that cannot be mentally contained ( and cannot be violently carried out in physical sense). As an ink falls and color the milk a tint of hue, gentleness and the docile nature (neutral zones) can be contaminated easily with strong hue that are violent to some degree and strong because of its certainty. Being certain is not righteousness by any means, but human nature tends to favor the state of being certain in any aspect. However, this calls for enslavement to a certain idea: social strength is a prison. Gentleness to perceive all things in their natural nature is freedom. Ofcourse, society does not favor freedom, as it is the resource that is of the value. And yes; not all are lucky enough to realize and learn the potential this world holds. The question is not if we can fight the fall but how to prolong the inevitable fall. The answer lies in gentleness; the game is made for the elites and the elites only. There is no need for others to play competitively in the game that only bore hatred to the neighbors. The concept is not to lose nor to win; it is to remain gentle, there lies the truth to remaining human in the age of division. Accept the uncertain nature of gentleness, the skies are always that swift blue. Violence of human nature can be defeated, and this is the definition of true strength.
37.Movies
2025.06.23
日本語版
新しいテクノロジーを擁護する際に「カメラと同じだよ・写真が台頭してきた時もそうだった」という言葉を耳にする。私はそれって、なんか違うんじゃないかと思う。いや、もちろん新しいテクノロジーが最先端であって人間の在り方に変革を起こすという意味で「カメラと同じ」であるという弁を立てるのに異論はない。実際そうであると思う。ただ、新しいテクノロジーを一まとめに「カメラと同じ」と纏めてしまうのは多少雑ではないかという気持ちが少なからずあるし、私としては「カメラの台頭により失われた人間の意識やフィジカリティ」をしっかりと認知する必要があると思っている。その意識的な思考を行わずにただただ便利であって、それでいて人間に革新を齎すのであれば良いではないか、と考えるのは文化を捨てる行為に近いと思っている。実際、カルチャーの身体的な部分にはその素が宿っていることが多いし（むしろ、人体を持ってフィジカルに生まれている以上、そこからでしか文化は派生しない）その部分を無視・軽視するのは大変危険である。テクノロジーに対して、奥手になっているわけでも、使うなと言っているわけでもない。ただし、洗濯をする際に洗濯板に布を当てて汚れを落としたり、コラージュの際に実際にハサミで輪郭を追ったり、絵を描く際に体が筆を動かしている、といった自己の体内に帰る行為のことを、蔑ろにするべきではない。これらを全く考えないということそれはある種、資本主義社会によって鈍感に作り変えられてしまった人間の性であるのかもしれない。
Simply there lacks libido in which the movie stands on, or simply there is too much of it to make the act of story telling sacred. Last week I went to see a movie which I was utterly and completely disapointed of, because I quite enjoyed the last one in the series. It felt too verbose, and the director lacked the heat in which they told their last lore. It may be because it lacked libido in which all creative impetus relies on, and with the last film being a successful, the need to control or the longing of life and death must have been put out. I'm not the one to care much if anything is not as expected, but it had some effect on me and I felt quite betrayed. Three days after that, I went to see Megalopolis by Coppola and I undestand what evoked them to make the story, however felt far too personal beyond the film's true intention; which is completely fine as a film. Having the drive to build things such as Megalopolis is to be praised upon; it felt much put together than the unnamed film I saw earlier in the week. It still wasn't enough to hoist me up from the confusing disapointment I had been feeling. It all changed when I stumbled upon this on youtube.The endless sadness of mankind and I cry at the dim light that shines dark hues upon your silhouette. Its a horrid thing and its all so beautiful. I've been watching/reading HunterHunter and its horrifying beyond anything I've read ( maybe a little more than Berserk because the contrast between the light and the dark is sharper in Hunter Hunter, whereas Berserk feels like complete darkness.) Remember that loneliness, remember that darkplace in our town that the mind braced to trouble through. Feeling as if there still was light and this light crushed you because of that dark dark place. It feels like that era. I wish to emanate this light that shines onto the sadness of mankind, so we will accept this instead of feeling the need to tear out of ourselves.Does the shadow embrace you still?
36.Beauty
2025.06.04
You've not seen the murky blue of the water simply because of color-blindness; or so thought one who sees every color. The rainbow tightens a bow around the world, clasping it a little tighter but those beady little eyes cannot grasp it's hue. Simply put the world is filled with such beau through and through, however the makeup of one's body limits its perception. If one were to see every beauty there is, that body would know pain like no other, and is the only real pain that is in the world. I do not hate you; because I do not wish to leave it so. No one does hate you so much to tear you into pieces, if we all were aware of this pain. A classmate of mine once said they saw beauty in the decay of this and such is nature; but withholding beauty, one is all so aware of the beauty that lies there and defies it. If not knowing beauty, one will not defy this. A paradox of precious time and perception plays tricks on the stature that is us. You will see me combing the beach for physical beauty, not knowing the cry beneath that prays for the everlasting beauty that this meat body cannot experience; so I love you gust, I love you gaze, and I so do love you garon; even in your hatred that projected itself that late-summers day on the rusty roofs of the barracks. And do not carry any room for any hatred, and will promise to leave you a tome of my beauty that will long-after roam the horizon beyond your perished body. And you will know it, with your precious sensers that presevered itself with immortal beauty and never hid from the pirecing pain that you held dear in the womb.
35.The beach
2025.05.18/27
Dead porpoise (or a baby dolphin?) The rostrum was covered and I do not know enough to make a statement. Found sundial shell. Buried after a while by the tide; the wounds only seen by some.
In the lightest of blues, have you seen the light-weight bird chirping chirping chirping, gust of wind pushing its little hollow body up until you can see it no more but can still hear it's chirp? The never-ending chirp it is; it tries to defy nature but never can with it's stature.
Today at the beach there were dozens of dead birds. It lay in every form, some already eaten by it's own kind. It had been beaten with strong wind and possibly some illness only know to aviators.
Realize this; fall when we all fall, ah that is nature. It is sublime and too strong for any steel will.
Yes. Do not go gentle into that good night, yes. But also, it is not your fault when we all fall. It was nature and nature is that wind that killed all of those birds today; It was the stature of the wind and hollow bone that no will could have beaten.
34. After certain death, I sat beside the window.
2025.04/23.26
Pale blue kind of night it was, I don't remember what I was doing in school;but it was late going home. As I walked I heard a sudden shriek from behind me and turned to see people gathering and panicking whilst one collapsed in the middle. Seemingly, someone was dead. It was a quiet panick that would eat you up for hundred years to come.I turned back for I realized I had come here with a bike, however a guard stopped me and told me to hurry home. So I walked slowly home.
The day after, there had been a seating change and I got the seat next to the window. A dull kind of girl sat next to me, whom I had great empathy for; for I was quite dull myself. I looked on through the open window displaying a gray tall building with red antennae on top. The mountain and the pale blue looming over us.
"Wonder what that gray building is. I've wondered this for almost two years since I've been coming here. (I fear, and pray not to learn of any death, and wonder what those gray concrete brick walls hold. I wonder what the antennae is for, I wonder of the unique lightness of being we share, sitting by this window. I will go home on a bicycle tonight, and there will always be that awful shriek in the back of my wheel. But I will forget, once small free souls round up around the bonfire and dance, and I will watch from the roadside with burnt grass penetrating my nostils.)"
Riso.
33.If it weren't for that green light
2025.04/19
Riding late afternoon through dust, I recall having strong fascination towards the prince in snow white; not attraction, I barely remember what he looks like; I just remember him looking quite fake and I hated that, so no. Not that kind of fascination, but it was when he cut through those roses; the sound of blade slashing through tough vines and roses being cut. Also, all I can remember now in aladdin is him drowning to the depth with weight tied around his leg. I remember having funerals for my dolls as well. Its the same fascination I have toward towns and time; a strange fascination and a very strong fear toward death. The idea makes everything so beautiful, but I fear it and hope not for all to perish for I love that beauty. Such paradox; but paradox make one beautiful as weakness does not look beautiful but makes you beautiful. So be lid not of the weakness of the physical form; the uglyness of the physical makes one so beautiful in idea.
My disinterest in gore and erotica has made me an outcast from society; not an outcast of human but perhaps from the mass. I feel quite human and alike to many other human in this world, but the mass I quite feel apart from; I have found the study of life to be somewhat important nowadays. Not because it is estoric in any way, being a human, bone structures and innards that compose of life and its decay does look intriguing in away as gentle soft shape of humanity does as well. But it is far too loud and far too naive to give in to the tangible things in life for the reality exist in the quiet idea of the worldly components. Think not of the touch; if achievable, flying too close to the sun does not hold any beauty. In the renaissance era of humanity, the unknown brought the idea, the most beautiful state of mind, to us and thus made us curious and estoric. I ride to see the quiet beauty and it is everywhere and I feel hurt because of time; but they stood slouched on the fence next to a combini on the outskirts of middle sized town in the haze of the afternoon light, lighting a tabacco in their hands and ashes fall. The ashes fall. Falls through the grate to the running subway underneath. And the ashes fall.
As you'll know, I would stare forever at the river that flows neither up nor down if it weren't for the green light waiting to change.
Alice chases the white tamed hare; I'll chase the bloody path of a injured stingy stray cat.
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32.Tool
2025.04/13
The brain melts on the white marbled floor in front of the elevator and an eye covered by thick strands sings the song, flat of any ego. Dream of Sci-Fi Esque buildings near the ocean; those that hate the stench of humanity. The ladder hangs tall, leading to extreme cleanliness of the bluesky. Never aroused, but only this. The brain melts on the marbled floor, and they walk past hastely as nothing's there. Nothing is here, and dream of cycling through a seaside factory plot alone, the inhaled poluted sky-grey air dances in your lung and chills your esophagus.
31.Log1
2025.04/10
29.The Mediator Between Head and Hands Must Be the Heart!
2025.03.14/17
I love bonnet shells and cowries; I collect them and cherish them.( but did you hear? they are disinterested in both genders of its own kind. How peculiar.)
There is a calm violance in those with most creativity. A violence of the natural kind; not of ego. Spirituality in shapes and colors; how peculiar. Vice versa, how so common of you! It happens in trusting your peculiar way. A difficult theater; that I've awoke from and never allowed to hear myself sing. (But those marble horses and high gardens know the song.)
It's all fine, I wish for the simplest thing that many others have forgotten about. I wish for the simplest thing, dear god.
The photos shade your shadows a dark shade of hue and the lights are colorful yet shyly saturated, and my dear god; it should be so forever.
Carry a scoop to the ocean...
28.
2025.02.18
"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
27.Corn Soup Crossing
2025.01.25
I would like to write to you about the corn soup crossing,where the birds chirp out of no where.
Cars are always parked on top of those roofs, and it takes an hour to climb to the designated spot.
I would like to take you to the corn soup crossing, but I never can.
But when I am able to, you will dress in black; only but a pink tiara perched on your head and shout "Don't you take beauty away from me!"
And I would be ever so happy.
0001.Annex, when you've crushed those wings.
2025.01.10
In the annex towers, little shadows follow you everywhere, down the winding descent. It pokes you, a harsh but brisk pain, which was the only lively thing that were in these grey basements.
Come to think of it, we were just now catching small shell-like butterflys for our boss. Now here in the dark, thinking about Stephenson 8-12, greeted by the end, where a large figurine of odd humanoid sculptures sat in a line. Red, orange and perhaps turquoise. It is I, who can make this or, them; who the ego hates the most. A waft of cigar from generations ago, plastered on these walls.
14.Records of ongoing youth
2024.12.21
Freddie's "darlings" aren't adressed at anybody. And I find that attractive. Don't ever find someone to address your "darlings" to. ( But he still loves you. )
