2025.03.25/29

Watched Perfect Blue and I cried not because of the superb storytelling but remniscing the era when the air was a tint of grey so the skies and lives were so colorful instead, and we lived in such loneliness; all of us, so that we were not alone. But these feelings are stolen by AI and companies and technologies and power lusting people, we are stolen of all the beauty of this world.

I'm making a game nonetheless. I'm writing my broken codes by myself as I did here.

いつだって壊れたコードを書いている、それが自分たるものだから。いつも壊れたコードで美しい世界を見ようとしている。老衰で死ぬことと殺人で死ぬことは同意義ではない。少し息苦しい春や夏を生きて、いつだってグレーの空気を吸っていて、一人ぼっちだから、全てのものの輪郭を知覚できる。美しさを奪われることに対して、もっと怒りを露わにしてもいい。それが自分たるものだから。いつだって、自分の壊れた言葉で、自分の歌を歌っている。

最近またゲームを作り始めた。

2025.03.14/17

I've been dreaming of places a lot recently; knowing I am without death, dreams have been the truest safe place for me.

The fact of the matter is that the quote "This must be a dream" works in a complete opposite way; for it is always in suffering you wish it was all a dream, and when faced with extreme beauty of the reality, you wish it to remain a reality.

I've ran from private schools in the dark, and I quite enjoyed this; I was in some kind of a storage unit with things stacked up high.

But I wish reality will always remain a reality; I wish it not to be a dream and I wish the same for all people in the world.

I dreamt of a city like the one in Metropolis unknowingly. We share the same machine, I'm afraid. But I wish to do better. That is all the power I have; to wish and to pray. The signs when you face the true sublime and the dream seems to be so as well; but that is subconscious dressed as unconscious is it not?

Anyway,I always feel sorry to be helpless; but thats just the ego talking.

I love bonnet shells and cowries; I collect them and cherish them.( but did you hear? they are disinterested in both genders of its own kind. How peculiar.)

There is a calm violance in those with most creativity. A violence of the natural kind; not of ego. Spirituality in shapes and colors; how peculiar. Vice versa, how so common of you! It happens in trusting your peculiar way. A difficult theater; that I've awoke from and never allowed to hear myself sing. (But those marble horses and high gardens know the song.)

It's all fine, I wish for the simplest thing that many others have forgotten about. I wish for the simplest thing, dear god.

The photos shade your shadows a dark shade of hue and the lights are colorful yet shyly saturated, and my dear god; it should be so forever.

Carry a scoop to the ocean...

2025.02.18

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

Began studying Norwegian; if you know what I mean.

2025.01.25

I would like to write to you about the corn soup crossing,where the birds chirp out of no where.

Cars are always parked on top of those roofs, and it takes an hour to climb to the designated spot.

I would like to take you to the corn soup crossing, but I never can.

But when I am able to, you will dress in black; only but a pink tiara perched on your head and shout "Don't you take beauty away from me!"

And I would be ever so happy.

2025.01.15

2025.01.10

In the annex towers, little shadows follow you everywhere, down the winding descent. It pokes you, a harsh but brisk pain, which was the only lively thing that were in these grey basements.

Come to think of it, we were just now catching small shell-like butterflys for our boss. Now here in the dark, thinking about Stephenson 8-12, greeted by the end, where a large figurine of odd humanoid sculptures sat in a line. Red, orange and perhaps turquoise. It is I, who can make this or, them; who the ego hates the most. A waft of cigar from generations ago, plastered on these walls.

2024.12.21

Freddie's "darlings" aren't adressed at anybody. And I find that attractive. Don't ever find someone to address your "darlings" to. ( But he still loves you. )